I puked a lego.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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