We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
