Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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