Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
