Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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