I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize