Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
