its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
