Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
