Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
