i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
