no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
