you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
