evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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