he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
