tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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