3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
