I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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