this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
