VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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