also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
