I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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