the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
