We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
