At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
