Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
