i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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