Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
