I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
worst night to have a conscience
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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