I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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