Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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