Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We have started to decorate penises.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I did not marry a roomba.
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