So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
