I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
