Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
