So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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