he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize