Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
