I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
