Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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