Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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