apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
