Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize