Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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