It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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