Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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