i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
