dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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