i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize