you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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