Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
