my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
