i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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