So drunk its hurt
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She even gives head with a lisp.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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