Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
