Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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