I bet he comes in French.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
