We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
