I feel like abortions should bother me more
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
