Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
