would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize