in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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