I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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