official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
