she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
