so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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