FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
