dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
