Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
