i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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