What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
